


SO... WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT THAT.

by quasarNebula



Category: Homestuck
Genre: CWs pertaining to Epilogues Jade, Gen, discussion of Epilogues Jade & her relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:55:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23068099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quasarNebula/pseuds/quasarNebula
Summary: Jade and Karkat actually talk.
Relationships: Jade Harley & Karkat Vantas
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	SO... WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT THAT.

GG: heeey nep  
GG: you there?  
GG: ...  
GG: oh gosh i shouldnt be waking you up its still like midnight for you, sorry <_< no more notifs from me!!

You set down your tablet and collapse your back to the bed, spent. Moreso by the residual emotions of your dream slipping away than the mortification that you may have just startled your friend from sleep, but… woof. There’s no need to spam her. She’ll get back to you once she’s around.

Like clockwork, the Pesterchum ding plays, the artificial sound jolting you stiff. Huh. Shows you for not waiting all of a moment longer. You reach over and grab the device, not bothering to sit up again.

CG: WHAT ARE YOU DOING AWAKE, HARLEY  
CG: I MEAN, GOD  
CG: WHAT AM I ASKING THAT FOR. OF COURSE YOU'RE AWAKE. SINCE WHEN *ISN'T* JADE HARLEY AWAKE HOURS PAST MIDNIGHT.  
CG: BUT  
GG: bluuuuuuugh  
GG: hi karkat  
CG: OH HI.  
GG: thanks a millionn  
CG: ...WHAT?  
GG: for waking me up  
CG: WHAT!?  
CG: OH FUCK. GOD. UHH  
CG: SORRY.  
CG: I  
CG: WHAT, HOW DID I WAKE YOU UP  
GG: ding ding ding  
CG: ?????  
GG: hold on lemme count  
GG: ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.  
GG: theyre notification sounds  
GG: a billion fuckin notifs of course im awake!!!!!!!!!  
CG: OH. JEGUS, SORRY.  
CG: I'VE GOT MINE DISABLED.  
GG: yeaah not everyone does nerd  
CG: YEAH I KNOW. SORRY. BUT  
CG: THAT REALLY DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY YOU WERE UP IN THE FIRST PLACE  
GG: ha ha karkat you said it yourself  
GG: since when isnt jade harley earth threes resident party slammer goin welllllllllll into the morning  
GG: goddamn fuckin cant find a place for herself now can she huh  
CG: I  
CG: FUCK, STOP IT.  
CG: YOU WERE *ASLEEP*. AND THEN YOU WEREN'T. I OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T MESSAGE YOU BEFORE THAT.  
CG: OF ALL THE THINGS I HAVE CALLED YOU, MOSTLY WITH A BLOOD PUSHER RETROACTIVELY COURSING WITH REGRET  
CG: (I'M SORRY)  
CG: I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER DESCRIBE YOU AS RESTLESS.  
GG: gee thanks  
CG: JADE  
CG: WHAT'S UP?

You groan. You should be thrilled to have someone to talk to, but… you and Karkat haven’t exactly been on excellent speaking terms? It’s stupid. He’s always been there for you.

You mean, disregarding when he slips up and has his nook too far up his butt to realize that hey, shit, maybe incessantly badgering you about your fucking life choices is not an awesome thing to do? But, god. Everyone does that. How are you supposed to blame them, let alone him? It’s not like Karkat doesn’t at least _try_ to pick up when he’s being the worst. You’re being way too harsh on him.

CG: ......  
CG: ARE YOU STILL THERE  
GG: im fiiiiiiinnnne  
GG: i had a crappy dream ok? i mean  
GG: look all things considered i had an awesome dream  
GG: it was just a pain to wake up from  
CG: ...I KNOW THAT FEELING  
CG: PROBABLY, ANYWAY.  
CG: SORRY FOR BEING A JACKASS. I SWEAR TO HUMAN EARTH JESUS I'M GOING TO DO BETTER.  
GG: jeez its not like im being any less shitty  
GG: ill take at least one foot off your case about it all the time  
CG: GOD, NO. DON'T FUCKING STOP TELLING ME WHEN I SCREW THINGS UP. I DO MY BEST TO NOTICE ON MY OWN, BUT  
CG: I CAN'T JUST NOT BE HELD FUCKING ACCOUNTABLE???  
CG: ...  
CG: GOD, ANYWAY. THIS CONVERSATION SORT OF FUCKING SUCKS.  
CG: DID YOU, UH  
CG: WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?  
GG: karkat i hate to say it but weve been going in circles meta conversing for like fifteen minutes already  
CG: NO, FUCK.  
CG: I MEAN YOUR DREAM.

Ugh. Your dreams suck.

GG: ohh reeeeeally  
GG: karkat vantas wants to know what goes on in jade harleys very own subconscious  
GG: as though he wants to slip away all her layers of protection  
GG: let her expose her worst fears and deepest secrets to him, a true statement of vulnerability and trust  
GG: hes never been this DARING before..........  
CG: GOD! WHAT THE FUCK!  
CG: YEAH! YOU, HUMAN EARTH GOD, FATHER OF EARTH HUMAN JESUS! WHAT THE FUCK.  
CG: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY WHEN  
CG: YOU'RE FUCKING, LIKE *THIS*.  
GG: gosh karkat you could hardly call this fucking  
GG: i wasnt even thinking about it like that but if you reeeally want it well... theres no reason it cant be!  
CG: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!  
CG: STOP FUCKING DEFLECTING YOUR EMOTIONS AND THE CONCERNS OF THE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU WITH *SEX!*  
GG: fuck you, too! :D  
CG: FUCK!!  
CG: STOP  
CG: STOP STOP STOP STOP, FUCKING,  
CG: SHUT THE *FUCK* UP  
CG: ...  
CG: UGH. I'M GOING TO GET SOME WATER.  
CG: I'LL BE BACK, BUT PLEASE, FOR GOODNESS SAKE, LEAVE ME ALONE UNTIL I'M HERE AGAIN.

You sigh, click the screen off. You know what you just said. You really don’t need to look at it again.

God! Look at that! You got him flustered as all shit! You’re supposed to be _proud_ of this. It’s what Jade Harley is _good_ at. And like, god, you ARE proud. You’re _so_ fucking good at compromising people. It’s a key part of the dance, after all!

You weren’t planning that dance, though, and neither was he. Which, you guess is a perfectly acceptable way to get things rolling? You can’t predict when passion strikes, and all that. But as the minutes pass by, exhaustion sets back in, and Karkat’s words continue to bounce through your head.

It’s not like you haven’t heard that before. Oh, poor Jade Harley, utterly incapable of true connection! A mind like hers - why, I doubt the poor girl will ever rebuild her friendships. And my lord, is she _ever_ off the track for developing any new ones. Not that the thing could possibly care less, herself. Fuck her way here; fuck her way there; what does any of it matter, when she’s the life of the party?

God, you need sleep.

You roll onto your side, get Pesterchum open, and consider typing a goodnight to the troll. Staring at his messages - your messages - though, your eyes start to water. Fuck. You flip the tablet face down again, but it’s hopeless. The sun is shifting past the horizon. You hate the way your tears reflect in its light.

CG: HEY.  
CG: UH.  
CG: ARE YOU THERE?

You could just sleep, now, couldn’t you. Mute the chat, slip away. It’s not like the sun’s ever been a problem. There’s no reason to respond. It’s not like you aren’t just going to fuck whatever remains between you and him over more. Drop the topic, let it slide. Same as ever.

GG: yeah im here  
CG: COOL. THANKS.

As the two of you each delay a response, the sun slips just through your window, glaring across your pillows. You shield your eyes with your arm in reaction, willing the blinds closed. Your room is draped in mild shadow again.

How long has it been since you and Karkat were there for each other in person?

You sent him away, like everyone else.

CG: ...  
CG: DAMN IT, JADE.  
CG: I'M SORRY FOR LOSING MY COOL.  
CG: LIKE, A MILLION TIMES.  
CG: I  
CG: GOD, JADE  
CG: I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE HOW TO MAKE THINGS BETTER.  
CG: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO YOU.  
GG: i dont think anyone does  
GG: i dont blame you  
GG: or anyone else really  
CG: I...  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: I REALLY, REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE AN ASSHOLE  
CG: EVERYONE FUCKING KNOWS I DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYONE!  
GG: karkat  
GG: i know you at least moderately well  
GG: im pretty sure youve never really hurt anyone before :p  
CG: WHAT? NO! FUCK OFF.  
CG: I'VE HURT *YOU*, HARLEY. TIME AND TIME AGAIN. DON'T FUCKING DENY IT.  
GG: i mean i guess! everyone else has too though  
GG: in the exact same ways, but a million times worse :/  
GG: i know you try to be better  
GG: youre a lot better at turning your guilt over shit into a force to keep yourself from making the same mistakes than you think you are  
GG: fuck i cant even tell if most people feel guilt in the first place  
CG: I  
CG: FUCK, THAT ISN'T THE POINT.  
CG: LET ME CONTINUE.  
CG: I'M SURE YOU'VE HEARD THIS BEFORE, SO I PRETTY MUCH CAN'T CONVINCE MYSELF I'M NOT JUST BEING A DICK FOR BRINGING IT UP AGAIN. BUT...  
CG: I DON'T KNOW.  
CG: I CAN'T HANDLE TALKING TO YOU WHEN, AS FAR AS MY MENTAL CAPACITY TO BE A FRIEND IS CONCERNED, YOU'RE A TICKING GRENADE, PRIMED TO USE WHATEVER MEANS AVAILABLE TO SCREW ME OVER.  
CG: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH THAT?  
GG: youre not  
GG: like i said  
GG: its no surprise that nobody wants to be around me  
CG: YEAH. SO...  
CG: WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT THAT.  
GG: honestly karkat? you already know the answer  
GG: i dont do anything  
GG: ive accepted that i suck and that everyone hates me  
GG: and i deal with it on my own  
GG: and well fuck me if dealing with it involves doing what i enjoy! its not like im hurting any of you with that!  
CG: JADE...  
CG: I GET IT. AVOID EVERYONE, AND YOU CAN'T HURT THEM, RIGHT?  
GG: yep...  
CG: BUT THAT'S THE THING.  
CG: LOOK.  
CG: WE MISS YOU.  
CG: I  
CG: GOD.  
CG: LOOK, I  
CG: I DON'T WANT TO BE A JERK ABOUT THIS! I CAN'T JUST SAY I MISS THE OLD YOU. THAT WOULD BE SHITTY OF ME.  
CG: LIKE, REALLY FUCKING SHITTY, OH MY GOD.  
CG: AND I GET NEEDING DISTANCE FROM US! HONESTLY, THIS ENTIRE FRIEND GROUP IS PROBABLY TIED FOR FIRST PLACE ON THE INSUFFERABILITY LEADERBOARD.  
CG: GOD, I DON'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST YOUR WAY OF LIFE. AS FAR AS I CAN TELL, YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY KILLING IT, AND WHO AM I TO PREACH OVER THAT.  
CG: SIGH  
GG: ...  
CG: IT'S JUST  
CG: I WANT TO BE FRIENDS, AGAIN.  
CG: OR IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEAK TO ME, I UNDERSTAND! I REALLY DO.  
CG: BUT I NEED YOU TO STOP DROPPING *THAT* ON ME.  
CG: AND I, UH  
CG: I WISH WE COULD ACTUALLY TALK ABOUT SHIT MORE. INSTEAD OF JUST LETTING IT SPLIT US APART.  
GG: i

He’s right, but… right now, this morning, you’re so fucking exhausted.

GG: im sorry  
GG: and i really really really dont dislike you all  
GG: god i hate that i gave off that impression!!  
GG: that i guess ive known ive been giving it off and havent bothered to stop or fix anything :/  
GG: but i  
GG: i swear to fuck i miss you too  
GG: a lot  
CG: ...OKAY.  
CG: ALRIGHT.  
CG: YOU TOO.  
GG: karkat im really tired right now  
GG: so i dont know if i can make any promises that actually hold value  
GG: but ill try anyway  
GG: im going to stop getting like that at you  
CG: THANK YOU.  
CG: I  
CG: YOU SHOULD GET BACK TO SLEEP, SERIOUSLY  
CG: OR REST OR WHATEVER  
CG: BUT  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: I REALLY MISS BEING FRIENDS, AND  
CG: IT HURTS A LOT TO FEEL LIKE YOU STOPPED VALUING THAT AT SOME POINT  
CG: AND I GUESS I NEVER REALLY NOTICED.  
GG: no!! i  
GG: ugh  
GG: i know  
GG: thats totally fair and its absolutely my fault, im sorry  
GG: and god i dont know maybe ive subconsciously been drifting away from everyone and failing to remind myself that hey fuck  
GG: i actually CARE about you all  
GG: i love you all  
GG: and maybe i should fucking show that instead of whatever crap ive actually been doing  
GG: but... i really do  
GG: im sorry  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: I...  
CG: GOD.  
CG: I BELIEVE YOU.  
CG: OH FUCK, UH  
CG: SORRY THIS GOT DERAILED I GUESS  
CG: DID YOU STILL WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR DREAM  
CG: LIKE. YOU KNOW. IF IT'S NOT SHITTY TO ASK THAT AGAIN.  
GG: uhhh  
GG: god  
GG: honestly i kinda forgot about it too :p  
GG: maybe at some point but right now i have to get some rest  
GG: i pestered someone else about it but theyve been offline, so  
CG: THAT'S FAIR.  
CG: GET SOME REST, HARLEY.  
GG: yeah yeah you too vantass  
CG: FUCK.  
GG: :P/  
CG: SEE YOU.  
GG: see ya


End file.
